Selective
by Treewater
Summary: Kakashi was never a medic, so of course he couldn't tell that Sasuke was sick. It didn't mean that Sakura wouldn't blame him for what happened as a result. Kakasaku.
1. Humans and Human Nature

A/N: Here's the finished product of the first part of my editing phase. Some of you, (I think Eldr-Fire and some others) may recognize this plot even without the Nomads as "The Repercussions of Honesty". TRoH went through several phases to get where it is now. It went from TRoH to "The Noble Truths" first. You can still see the remnants of the Buddhist ideas throughout the story. Finally, I settled on "Selective". The reason for this name will be revealed in the final chapter. The entire story is finished, and I will be posting one chapter per week every Friday, starting this Friday. I hope you enjoy! Next up on the list of stories to edit is "Silver Behind Red." That might take me a while.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
****Humans and Human Nature**

I heard them unlock the door to my apartment using the key I left for them on top of the frame. I didn't hear them make their way towards my room because they were ninja, and if they could be heard, then I was a serious failure as a teacher. The door to my bedroom eased open, squeaking on its hinges, and I heard Sasuke clear his voice.

"Wake up," he said.

Sasuke had been home for a while by that time, maybe three years. He came back when he was seventeen, after Akatsuki was destroyed and most of the major villains in the world had darted back to hide in the shadows. We were glad to have him with us. For the first year, he had been kept on watch, but now he had been escalated to Jounin status with the rest of us, and everything had drifted to the way it would have been if he hadn't left at all.

I grunted and pulled the blankets more tightly over myself, covering my face with the slate gray sheet after realizing that it was bare for the world to see. Doubtless my students would drink in the sight of it like the most treasured of wines, and I wasn't about to give them the pleasure of that. "Go away," I grumbled sourly.

"Sasuke's just being a grouch, like always." That was Naruto's voice, rough like the grating of stone on stone, but I didn't pick my head up to look at him. He pushed Sasuke out of the way to get into my room, where he stood over me, pouting with his hands on his hips in a very feminine display of indignant annoyance.

"Careful," I muttered with my dark eye peeking out at him. I reached over the blankets and poked him lazily in the chest, careful to keep my face covered. "You'll grow boobs that way."

He swiftly changed his position to a more masculine stance, and I could hear Sakura's peal of laughter as she entered the room as well. I sat up with my hand holding the sheet over my face, and she took one look at my just-out-of-bed appearance and shook her head so that her long pink hair quivered and danced about her.

"We've known you for eight years and you still won't show us your face?" she asked. She took the hands-on-hips position that Naruto's masculine consciousness had just fled from in a frantic scramble to reach a more testosterone-filled ground. Had Sai been present, no doubt he would have passed my joke to Sakura, and I was thankful he wasn't there because I didn't feel like having to clean the carpets free of blood… again. Most of the rust stains on the pale blue rug were from my own body, and on the unfortunate day when I had no strength to clean them, they set like gum to hair and refused to be pulled out unless I was willing to tear the whole thing out, which I wasn't. I didn't have the time, and neither did I have the need—after all, the new one would just get bloodied up again, and my landlord probably wouldn't allow me to tear apart her building for the sake of a handful of red-orange stains until I moved.

"Of course not," I snorted. I brushed away Sakura's comment with a wave of my free hand. "Life would be so much less fun without you hunting after my face like Naruto going after that last packet of ramen."

She laughed at that, and I smiled again. "Now, out," I said. "Let me get dressed. Wait in the living room."

They filed out, and Naruto shut the door behind him so I could dress in peace.

When I met them in the living room, they were all sitting down on my navy blue couch, chatting comfortably with one another in a way that implied they were not expecting me for another few minutes. Naruto looked up at me then, and from behind his back pulled a white box with a dark blue ribbon tied nicely around it. The box was about the length of my forearm and about the width of it, too. I looked at my students, bemused.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"It's your thirty-fourth birthday today, isn't it?" Sasuke asked in response. His reply was clipped and sharp like they always had been.

"Didn't think you guys would remember," I said. In all honesty, I didn't really want them to remember. Birthdays were never my strong suit, and they made me feel awkward and bland. I put on a smile for them, hidden behind my mask so that all they got for their undying efforts to see was a happy eye crease. I slipped away the ribbon and put it around my neck just for the heck of it. Sakura giggled quietly and muttered something about me making a good kitten like the ones women would get from their husbands during Christmas on the old cartoons. Naruto laughed slightly, but they all fell silent as I lifted off the lid of the box to see what they had given me.

It was a tantou knife. The handle was made of a beautiful dark red wood with the likeness of Buddha carved onto it (strangely enough, they knew I wasn't religious), and the sheath was a narrow figurine of his sacred Bodhi tree, made out of the same dark red wood. It was beautiful, but for decoration only, so I set it upright on the shelf above the couch and said, "Thanks—I love it.

"But seriously, why did you wake me up?" I asked. I flopped down onto the navy armchair with my legs dangling over the side. "You could have given this to me in the street, for all intents and purposes."

"We have a mission today," Naruto explained. He leaned forward on his hands. "Tsunade-baachan didn't want you being late, and she actually decided to enforce it for once, so she sent us to come and find you. It's an A-rank mission. It pays well, and she said it's pretty important, so let's go."

I hoisted myself to a stand. "All right," I sighed. "Thanks again for the gift. It really is very nice."

—

We stood at attention in front of the Hokage's desk as she rifled through piles of documents searching for the lone piece of paper she was to turn over to us. It took her at least five minutes to find what exactly she was searching for, and then she almost tore it pulling it from the middle of the stack and pushed it, crumpled, into my hands. I opened the sheet of paper and held it out so my entire team could look on with me.

It was a picture of a man with thick wiry brown hair that reached his shoulders, starting to gray near his temples and chin where a long braided beard draped halfway down his chest. His ears were gauged, the loops in the flesh large enough to fit two fingers through, and heavy golden earring hoops hung from them to create a contorted chain effect that was nauseating just to look at. His eyes were flinty and cold, and just looking at his aging face, I could tell he'd seen the value in life the hard way.

"Is this our client?" I asked, glancing up at Tsunade. In answer, she nodded towards the door, and my team and I turned around. A young man, no older than I was, stood there tall and proudly, his dark brown hair reaching in a tightly wrapped ponytail to the small of his back with some long braids that hung down to his waist in front. His eyes held the same cold glint as the ones in the picture, but at the same time, he looked cheerful and optimistic. His outfit was a green traveler's shirt, pants, and boots that set off his strong, agile figure the way white can make black seem much darker than it really is.

"That's my father," the young man said. "I'm your client. That's the picture of the man you're to assassinate."

We stared at him without surprise, which was the reaction he seemed to be hoping for, for he faltered a little bit before going on. But really, it was silly for him to think we would have been surprised—I've performed countless missions where a member of the family wants to assassinate their relative. This was no different.

"My name is Daradara Ke, and my father's name is Daradara Hige. We're from the Land of Canyons on the border of Wind. My father's ruled for thirty years, and judging from that picture he looks respectable." Ke's face darkened and the whites of his eyes grayed in the shadow. "But the people of our country are suffering while he sits away in his mansion, soaking in pools of gold and silver. No one in my country can afford earrings like that. I want to assassinate him so we can distribute his vast wealth to the people, to tear down his house. I would rule in his place and let money come and go as the people saw fit…" His eyes took on a dreamy luster. "They could own their own things, grow crops that they could call theirs—some of them could eventually afford areas of the river to call their own! People in Konoha can have things. They don't have to fear it being taken away from them. That's all I want for the people of Canyons. That is why I'm asking you to assassinate my father."

Naruto raised a righteous fist. "All right! We don't need more of an explanation than that, do we, guys! Let's head out!"

"Give us a day to prepare, will you?" I asked, directing the question first at Naruto and then at Ke. "We'll meet you at the main gates tomorrow morning."

Ke nodded and bowed. "Thank you," he said, and walked out.

"I hope this mission is worth it," Sasuke grumbled. I rubbed the back of my head tiredly.

"We should probably go into the jounin common room to strategize," I offered, and my team nodded. We bowed to the Hokage and left, shutting the door politely behind us before making our way down the hall to the well-loved (dingy) room that we used as a sort of headquarters. Faded old couches were set up around tables with magazines offering life insurance and stock marketing, none of which were even given a passing glance by the various jounin loafing about drinking coffee and talking about their next missions with their team. My students and I sat down around one of the magazine tables with the overhead light fixture almost directly above us, and I leaned back comfortably.

"Well," I said, "we can either do this quick and easy, painfully slow, or we can find out what corrupted Daradara-sama in the first place by talking to him before killing him."

"I vote talking with him first," Sakura said instantly. "Just to satisfy some curiosity." She shrugged and then reached for my vest. I pulled out Hige's picture and handed it to her. "I mean, he looks like an honest gentleman, like Ke said," she continued, pointing at his eyes. "I want to know what made him turn so foul as to warrant an assassination. It might not even be needed."

"But it's what we're being paid to do," Sasuke countered. "Ninja don't question what they're paid to do."

"If I was paid to give a patient in the hospital arsenic because they have a felony hanging over their heads, do you think I would?" Sakura snapped. "Ninja don't have to question all the time. If they do, wonderful, as long as they don't pull a Hamlet and get everybody killed. I'm saying we should think about what we're doing. If Orochimaru came back from the dead and paid you to do something, would you?"

"No," Sasuke mumbled, crossing his arms.

"Exactly. I rest my case." Sakura leaned back into her seat and I had to stifle a chuckle.

"Sakura-chan's got a point," Naruto said. "I agree with her. We should question him first, then kill him."

"I agree with that plan, too," I said, and nodding to Sasuke, "Look's like you're outvoted." I folded my fingers for a moment in thought. "How about this then? I interrogate Hige, Naruto and Sakura stand guard outside the room and dispatch any guards we come into contact with, and Sasuke does the dirty deed? We can work out the technicalities on the way and work around any bugs we see."

They nodded. When Naruto seemed about to raise protest against the plan of action, I said, "Don't worry—you _will_ get to do something other than guard." He quieted.

"Well, then, I'll see you all tomorrow morning," I said. When I gave them a dismissive nod, they disappeared.

—

I was up at dawn. For some reason, unrest stirred like a coiled rattlesnake in my stomach, having me pace my room as the soft rays of blue-then-yellow light slowly carved their way into my space. When the light touched my foot, I stopped and looked down to stare at it. I was already completely prepared for this mission, and I suppose the light was trying to draw me outside so that I wouldn't pace a hole into the carpeting. I could walk back and forth around Konoha and would feel more invigorated, at least, than if I drew the shades shut and was late for the meet-up.

I made my way to the door of the apartment, and as I pulled on my shoes, I gave my Buddha tantou a glance. That peaceful smile seemed to mock me. Even if he'd reached Nirvana, how could he possibly smile knowing that his first Truth stated "life means suffering"? Instead of becoming a figurehead, he should have done something physical to help end the suffering, like what I was about to go and do. Buddhism and its ideas were silly to me.

The morning was cold. There were a few weeks until Halloween, actually. As I walked, a dry wind rustled some leaves to dance like festive children around my feet, and I stepped on one with a regrettable crunch. My anxious frown deepened as I picked my way slowly towards Konoha's main gate.

As I expected, no one from my group was there, so I leaned against one of the main beams and waited. Izumo and Kotetsu spared me a glance after yawning behind the countertop and resting their heads against its dewy, dusty surface. My stomach growled and clenched, but I wasn't hungry.

I waited for about an hour before Sakura came into view, dragging Naruto and Sasuke along behind her. She paused, looking at me and blinking and shaking her head, before the others noticed I was there as well, and then they (with the obvious exception of Sasuke) came rocketing towards me.

"You're not late?" Sakura asked, surprised. I blinked at her.

"Well, when I said morning," I began, trying to save a little face, "I meant as soon as the sun came up." I shrugged and put on a happy smile for them even though I was indeed drastically early, two hours, judging by my standards, and if they knew what was actually going through my mind at that point (something will go wrong, something will go wrong), they would probably recognize that something was wrong with _me_. Although, what had ever been right with me, I could only guess.

Sakura placed her hands on her hips, but my gaze never left her brilliant eyes. After a moment, they softened, and she turned to sit cross-legged on the ground with her cheek resting in her right hand and her left hand pushing slightly against her knee.

"All we've got to do is wait for Ke, now, right?" Naruto asked. He glared suspiciously at me. I gave him a slightly pointed look, and he too turned away.

"I'm here, thanks." Ke came up to stand just outside of our circle of four and jerked his head towards the forest that lay outside the protective village walls. "Are we ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be," I said. I pushed myself away from the gate's mighty frame. "Let's get going."

The Land of the Canyons was to the southwest of Konoha. I'd been assigned a few missions before there when I was in ANBU, and whenever I thought about it, the first thing that came to mind was the color gold. Canyons wasn't a land of gold by any means, but a fool might think that its beautiful sun-colored sandstone was a valuable thing to behold, even though it was practically worthless. The only thing that brought commerce there was the fact that its series of canyons, which gave the country its name, were the most extensive of any system in the world, and its main canyon, Soudai Chasm, was as wide as Konoha and ran the length of its river, which had been reduced to only a few yards in width. Soudai City was where Canyons's Feudal Lord lived.

The journey took about a week walking. Ke managed to keep up with the brisk pace the entire way there, making mild conversation all the while. It took six days to get to Soudai Chasm, and then another day of careful pick-and-peck hiking down the narrow trail that allowed access to Soudai City from the east. Luckily, none of us was afraid of heights, otherwise we might have never made it.

The city was built up more like a small village even though it took up a vast area along the Soudai River. In the center, I could see Daradara Hige's mansion, which was probably about the size of the Hokage Tower. Extending out from that like spokes on a wheel were Soudai City's roads, which started out paved with cobblestones near the center and gradually deteriorated to hard-packed dirt and mud the farther out you looked. The buildings worked that way, too: near the center, they were nicely built and well maintained, but near the edges, all I could see were crumbling shacks and fallow fields. On the eastern edge of the city there did seem to be a large dirt square, situated by the river. I could see docks and tiny fishermen, and little ant-like children running around in play. The roar of chatter reached even this altitude.

"What is that square?" I asked. Ke followed my gaze and smiled.

"That's the one place of happiness in the city," he said. "People go there almost every day. Right now, everyone's preparing for Halloween, setting up the shops and booths and hanging lights and such. You should take part in the festivities before you have to carry out your mission."

"That sounds like it would be good if we were kids," Sasuke said grudgingly, even though Naruto looked hopeful.

Ke shook his head. "I love Halloween and I'm as old as your teacher!" he laughed. "The children love it too, of course, but there are plenty of things for people our age to do. There's dancing and music and food… Holidays are major tourist attractions for us, and the people that come to visit often bring food and the rare bit of money." He frowned a little. "There's also storytelling and such, but that's usually for the children, like Sasuke-san said."

We reached Soudai City just as the sun was beginning to set. When the sun sets there, the rock turns a bright orange, like Naruto's shirt. Ke led us to an abandoned shack in the southwestern corner of the city and told us that we could rest there.

"The inns are a little too public for ninja," he explained apologetically. "All the tourists are coming in for Halloween."

"Thank you," I said.

As we went, I saw firsthand the suffering Ke was talking about. In all of my previous missions, it was something I had glossed over because I had been hired by Hige rather than by his son (consequently that would make my interrogation of him a bit more interesting). Sometimes we passed sleeping men and women who were lying in the streets and who smelled faintly of alcohol. I smelled something like death when we saw a dreadfully skinny child lying in the center of one of the dirt roads. Every living or conscious person we saw was dirty and disheveled almost beyond recognition. Some of them cursed at us for our clothes and civilized appearance. I frowned—Ke was right, things had gone horribly wrong under his father's rule.

We finally reached the shack just as twilight was coming on, and I was grateful for the lack of people. To the south of us was a field full of wild wheat that was ready for harvest, but it was full of stones as well, to make such harvesting impossible. I thought, _If only Hige would give his people the right tools, they could make the outer reaches of the city as great as the center._ A dead apple tree provided a minute amount of shade.

We bid Ke goodnight, and he left. My team went inside, but I stayed out for a few moments to watch the last of the day's light fade away over the top of the canyon wall before following them. I rolled out my sleeping bag and sat down on it, pulling off my shoes. The others were already preparing for bed. Naruto was brushing his teeth with some horsetail and Sakura had taken off her medic's skirt to leave her with her shorts and shirt. Her hair was in a ponytail, probably to make any morning bed head less noticeable.

"Before we turn in," she said, "should we review our strategy one more time?" She gave me an expectant look.

I nodded. "We'll go to his mansion on Halloween night. The guards will be easiest to bypass then and they'll probably be lazy because of the holiday. Sasuke will perform the assassination after I interrogate Hige and Naruto and Sakura stand guard. It should be simple. I think this is only paid like an A-rank out of desperation." I shrugged and leaned back.

Suddenly, Sasuke started coughing a little bit. He shook his head and cleared his throat, and when we all gave him questioning looks, he said in a slightly dry voice, "Just a tickle," before he cleared his throat again.


	2. Assassinations and Understanding

A/N: Here's the second chapter of Selective. To the people who want me to finish Silver Behind Red: I'm going to work on Shifting Life for a while, but it might take me a long time, considering that school has started and I'm swamped with work from both public and religious school. I have to write an article for the school paper on some healing herbs and an essay on clearing space due next week, just to name two of my many assignments. -sigh-

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
****Assassinations and Understanding**

Even from several miles away, we could hear the chanting and roaring of the entire city gathered in that courtyard by the river, cheering and dancing and celebrating the night away. Fires lit the canyon walls and the sky just above them orange, and the smell of the pumpkins that grew in another part of the country cooking over the fires made my stomach growl impatiently. I quickly stuffed a piece of jerky in my mouth, chewed, and swallowed. I had sprinkled it with soldier pill powder, so it would keep me going for a while.

We slipped over the sagging rooftops of the city's outer edge and towards the stronger plating near its center. Eventually, as we neared the mansion, we could hear the drunken howling of guards as they imitated the desert wolves that lived in the area. Surprisingly, they got a reply, and they fell to the ground in fits of burping giggles. I rolled my eyes as we passed them and slipped, unnoticed, into the maze of Daradara Hige's home.

Candles lit the way for us, and as he had promised he would, Ke left a scent trail for me to follow. His father enjoyed the smell of sandalwood. While the whole house smelled of its incense, Ke had dotted certain walls and doorways with sandalwood oil to help guide us. After about half an hour of searching and one instance of running into a guard whom Naruto quickly dispatched, we found our target's room.

He was playing a game of shougi with Ke, and they were chatting quietly with one another. My team and I withdrew so that we could speak in private.

"Break his neck after I'm done with him," I ordered quietly. Sasuke nodded before darting in like a flickering shadow.

I stood from my crouched position and strode into the room with all the air of Hige himself.

He looked up at me, shocked, while Ke stood up and left with hardly a glance.

"Wait a minute," his father said, reaching out. "Ke, where are you going? Who is this?"

"I'm just going to the bathroom, father," Ke said without looking back. He disappeared around the corner, and I sat down where he had been. I moved his hisha piece forward two paces and took Hige's kakugyou, flipping it over my fingers as if it was a coin.

"I'm ashamed that you don't remember me," I said. I dropped it into the tray of pieces that Ke had already captured. "You've hired me a couple of times before." I leaned forward and placed my chin in my hand, staring at him evenly.

He seemed flustered for a moment, but he quickly regained his composure. He dragged his fingers through his beard as he looked me over.

"Ah yes, now I remember you. Hatake Kakashi, wasn't it?"

"As sharp as a tack, as a leader ought to be," I said.

"Are you here to kill me?" Hige asked innocently.

"I'm actually just here to ask you something," I said.

Hige looked at me expectantly, so I went on.

"Why did you let such a potentially beautiful country fall into the ruined state it's in?"

Hige looked at me with his flinty gray eyes and said, "Life means suffering. I'm a devout Buddhist, if you must know, so I think that the people here should get a taste of what I learned over the years." He grinned. "Even this wonderful mansion has seen its fair share of suffering. Don't you agree with that philosophy?"

My eyes widened. My pulse quickened. Sasuke let out a painful-sounding cough and Hige whirled around, only to have Sasuke grab him by the jaw and twist his head too far in the same direction. The sickening snap heralded Hige's death, and he fell sideways with a thud against the shougi table. But my thoughts were scattered in shock and surprise. Life means suffering? Where did Hige get off saying that? And what was Sasuke's big idea? Even if Hige had already known, he'd given himself away!

Sasuke and I slipped quietly from the room so that we were beside Naruto and Sakura again, and Sasuke coughed quietly into his fist. There was sweat on his brow, and his face looked gray. I could tell he was trying to prevent the soft heaves and was having trouble doing so. The three of us looked at him in worry before he muttered something about being allergic to sandstone, and we stole off back the way we came.

When we reached our little shack, I turned to Sasuke. "What was that back there?" I asked unhappily. "Did you say you were allergic to sandstone?"

"I must be," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't start coughing until we got here."

"I doubt you of all people are allergic to anything," I countered, crossing my arms. "You're getting sick—I can smell it on your breath, unless you haven't brushed your teeth in a few days."

Sasuke grimaced. I leaned towards him. I did indeed smell something there on the edges of his breath, something sour from his lungs, but it wasn't from a cold. It almost smelled like a mixture of blood and vomit. It worried me, but I didn't think it was anything important. I wasn't a medic, so I turned to Sakura. "Do you have any cold medicine for him?" I asked her. I could feel Sasuke's murderous gaze on my back, but I didn't care.

"Not with me," she said, shaking her head. "I'll see what they have at the square tomorrow. I expect Ke'll break the news of his father's death there. The best thing for you, Sasuke, would be some bamboo sugar to help with your cough. If there's any phlegm, it should get rid of that, too." She wagged a finger at him playfully. "Now, I'd like to sleep a wink, if that's all right."

I nodded. So did I. We slipped under the covers of our sleeping bags, and Naruto took first watch. If there were any guards coming after us, he said, he wanted to be the first one to take them out. None of us argued, and we fell asleep with the sounds of crickets in our ears.

—

The day after Halloween was surprisingly quiet. I awoke to the sight of Sakura stretching outside in a golden day, and Naruto and Sasuke asleep beside me. I stood with a quiet grunt and went through our little door. Sakura turned around to regard me with bright eyes.

"Feel like going to the square today?" she asked. "I'd like to see if I can't get Sasuke some bamboo sugar."

"Sure," I said. As we started our undoubtedly long stroll towards the southern end of the city, I stuck my hands in my pockets and we talked quietly.

"The bamboo'll probably be expensive," I said. I stopped to look at her for a few moments. "Do we have enough?"

"I brought some extra money with me just in case," Sakura said. She patted her hip pouch. It jangled happily with its fat belly full of coins and bills. "And I'm sure the people here will take whatever they can get."

It took us about an hour at a brisk walk to reach the southern square. It had lost the uproarious festivities of the previous night, although orange pumpkin lanterns still hung about and streamers dangled from the edges of rooftops. Some people were working on the cleanup, while others stood behind booths shouting out deals to those who passed them. I followed Sakura to one of the booths and waited while she haggled for a price on the bamboo sugar. I thought she gave a little too much, but it was probably intentional. The people here didn't have much to begin with, and were probably grateful for her obvious charity. In return for her money, the man behind the counter gave her a small bag of pale medicine, which she accepted with a grateful bow.

She turned to me then and frowned. "I hope Sasuke's all right," she said. "Those coughs sound pretty rough."

"His breath didn't smell that bad," I said. I was hedging, and I knew it, but something made me want to say it, as if my mind was skipping over a broken record.

_Life means suffering… Life means suffering…_

Hige's words troubled me. I found myself wanting to return home to dispose of my Buddha tantou. I didn't want to have my life run by that statement, to have it turn into this city, with a diamond center and a fraying edge. Even if my life already looked a little worse for wear, I wanted it to be at least a little uniform—within my control. It was all or nothing.

"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it," Sakura sighed. "If I ever got close enough to Sasuke to smell his breath, he'd probably think I was coming on to him."

I chuckled. "Probably."

When we arrived back at the shack, Sasuke was awake and dressed and Naruto was still snoring like a hog with his covers strewn about across the floor. I stepped lightly over him and sat down with my back against the wall, tipping my head to stare up at the ceiling.

"What's eating you?" Sasuke asked. He glanced at me from out of the corner of his eye.

"Nothing," I said. I looked at him curiously. "But now I'm worried about the fact that you're taking an interest in my mental health."

Sasuke grunted, almost apologetically, and I frowned.

"I got you some medicine, Sasuke," Sakura said, stepping in. "I set it up in a pot outside for tea. I know you don't like sweets, but it's not too bad, so just try to handle it. You look miserable, and I want to help. It's my job." She gave him a challenging smile as though she were daring him to refuse her treatment, but he merely let out an apathetic sigh and trudged outside.

Sakura came to sit beside me.

"I'd like to know what's eating you, too," she said. She put her head down on my shoulder with her cheek pressed against the ridge. I didn't answer.

—

Ke waited a week to break the news of his father's death. By that time, he told us, his father's body had been burned, all evidence of us had been washed away, and Hige's ashes had been spread to the wind, never to bother another soul. We watched from one side of the courtyard, dressed in civilian clothes and pressed against each other in the tight crowd, as he spoke of how his father died of a heart attack during their game of shougi on Halloween night and of how he was prepared to take up his position.

His first order of business, he said, was to restore the fallow fields.


	3. Blood and Actions

A/N: Hey, guys, here's the third chapter of "Selective". "Silver Behind Red" is coming along smoothly. I've rearranged some of the chapters and edited a few things. The major plot really won't change, although there will be a forest scene. -evil grin- Let me say that I'm very grateful to Mary B. Wolf, who is writing a spinoff/sequel to "Hunger". I can't wait to see it. It should be out by October (if it's not, it won't be coming, sadly). Thank you, Mary!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
****Blood and Actions**

We returned to Konoha a month later, after we helped Ke establish himself as the new ruler of the Land of Canyons and took the boulders away from one of the many unused fields. It was dirty work, but surprisingly fun to do, considering there was nonstop music celebrating the new leader and all the little children were handing out sugar cubes. We popped them in our mouths and sucked on them as we worked, and I thought, _Life doesn't _mean_ suffering. It's only that way if you make it._

We promised Ke that we'd be back in a year to see how his progress rebuilding was, and then we headed out to return to Konoha.

At last, our mission was over, and we passed in our report to the Hokage with relieved smiles and the promise of hot ramen waiting for us. We went to Teuchi's stand to eat, and then we said our goodbyes, and I wandered home with a soft content sitting in my belly (and no, it was not the ramen). Sasuke hadn't coughed since we'd gotten home. It seemed as though the bamboo sugar had done the trick. I had no trouble falling asleep that night, nor waking up in the morning when Naruto pounded on my door. I rose, got dressed, and finally opened it to allow him, Sasuke, and Sakura inside.

We sat in the living room and chatted for a few minutes before Sasuke got up and excused himself to go to the bathroom. We watched him leave, and then we continued to talk. My thoughts were detached, though, and I kept staring into the wavy plaster of the walls, watching the shadows blend to create various images. There was the face of the Kyuubi, and over there a laughing jackal, and just above that, there was a rose. They melted into each other with liquid friction.

"I can't wait for my next mission," Naruto said. He grinned.

I smiled too, but it broke away almost immediately when I heard a heavy thud coming from the bathroom. My eyes widened a little bit, and we all got up to go see what was wrong.

"Sasuke? Are you okay?" I asked. I was the first to reach the door, and wrenched it open. Then I saw something that made my legs weak. He was lying on the bathroom floor with blood on his hand and on the cuff of his shirt.

"Sasuke!" I knelt down beside him and rolled him over so that he might be able to breathe. We couldn't all fit in the small space, so while Sakura and Naruto tried to push past each other, I gently slapped Sasuke's cheeks in an effort to get him to come to. His chest heaved awkwardly, and then he rolled over and coughed up blood all over my arm, the one that was supporting his shoulder.

"Sakura?" I called nervously. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his red chin. The bloodstain on his white shirt was spreading and causing the fabric to stick to his skin, and I could see his eyes were misty and dilated. He was delirious and unresponsive to my voice or to the fact that I was shaking him in my arms to try to get him to come out of it. I choked on Sakura's name. This blood smelled so tainted that it made my eyes water. It was an undiluted version of the sickly stench that had been on his breath in the Land of Canyons.

Naruto finally let Sakura pass, and she immediately dropped to her knees to get a better look. She pushed me out of the way, and I sat, stunned, against the toilet.

After a quick assessment, she said, "I'm about to use a forbidden jutsu." Pulling a kunai from her pack, she sliced open Sasuke's shirt and placed her bare hands over the hollow of his ribcage. Her palms glowed sage green with her healing chakra, and then she pressed it into his body.

Sasuke gave a shudder and then rolled over again, heaving up mouthfuls of blood onto the bathroom floor.

"We have to get him to the hospital, _now_," Sakura said. She grabbed his shoulder to make him stand. I stood too, and he fell back against me. I caught him under the arms and hoisted him upright, hooking one arm underneath his shoulders and the other beneath his knees. He was just conscious enough to be able to hold his head against my upper arm, but every once in a while he would cough, and I could feel the wetness on my shirt.

We rushed to the emergency room. Naruto quickly checked us in once we reached the hospital, but when the secretary saw whom I was carrying in my arms and what exactly we were both covered in, she quickly punched in a few numbers on her office phone and had the intercom buzzing away with her voice in a matter of seconds.

"_Please get Tsunade-sama to emergency room number seven as quickly as possible."_

Sakura waved Naruto and I down the hall and to a small room marked "ER7". There, she held open the door so I could sidestep inside. I set Sasuke quickly down on the bed and then stepped back to allow Sakura to hook him up to an oxygen mask. My hands shook as I stared at them. I peeled off my gloves, which were soaking wet, and dropped them to the floor as though they were burning me. But my hands were still stained, like I had stuck them elbow-deep into a massive wound.

Not a moment later, Tsunade burst into the room. She looked at Sasuke, then at me, and ordered me to sit down immediately. I did, still staring at my hands, and then she turned to Sakura for a briefing.

Sakura quickly explained the situation, and then Tsunade slowly turned to look at Sasuke again.

"You did use that jumpstarting jutsu I taught you?" she asked. Sakura nodded. "Good."

Tsunade brought chakra to her hand and placed it over Sasuke's chest, but unlike Sakura, she didn't press it in. She held it there, and then after a few moments, pulled it back.

"Naruto, leave," she ordered.

"Tsunade-baachan…" Naruto began, but she whirled around and cut him off.

"Leave _now_, Naruto! Kakashi, get yourself cleaned up. Sakura, go get Shizune and one other medic. You're not going to be taking part in this surgery. You're too emotionally attached to him."

"What?" Sakura whispered.

"Believe me, I know first hand what it's like when you're attached to someone and you lose them during a surgery you perform. I won't allow it to happen to you. Now get going!" Turning her back, Tsunade pulled Sasuke's bed to the center of the room as I got to my unsteady feet and went quietly for the door. Naruto and Sakura were both struck dumb, so I hesitantly grabbed their wrists to drag them with me. My gloves remained unnoticed on the floor. Only Naruto resisted.

"You think Sasuke's gonna die?" he asked Tsunade. She didn't look at him. She didn't dare.

I gave another tug on Naruto's wrist, and he followed me out the door. We left the hospital together in a fearful silence, and then, with evening coming on, we went our separate ways.

I rocketed towards my apartment and ran to the bathroom, not quite knowing what to do. I couldn't stop shaking. Everything was covered in blood. I was afraid to perform a summoning jutsu because that would require biting my thumb and at this point, I didn't want to put it in my mouth, but I closed my eyes anyway and did it.

Pakkun burst into the room in a puff of smoke to find me spitting into the sink.

"Kakashi? It reeks in here! What happened? Why is there blood all over the place?" he asked. He took a tentative step towards me, concern contorting the wrinkles of his face. "Are you wounded? Why did you summon me?"

"Sasuke was coughing it up," I said. My mouth was drying out and my throat was contracting. "I'm going to be sick," I murmured, and pushed past him to vomit into the toilet. "I need your help cleaning up," I said. My face was still in the confines of the bowl just in case I had to throw up again. "I can't deal with the smell and I have to get this fucking blood off of me!" I was almost freaking out at this point, realizing the extent of what was going on.

Pakkun noticed. He said, trying to get me to calm down, "I'll need some help, though."

"I am not biting my thumb again, Pakkun!" I snapped.

"Right," Pakkun said. "I'll get them then."

For a moment, he burst into a puff of smoke, and then he solidified again with Zeki and Jenou by his side. They each had rags in their mouths.

"You get yourself showered, boss," Jenou said. His long floppy ears were pinched forward in worry. "We can take care of things here."

"Yeah, leave it to us," Zeki said. He dropped the rag and started scrubbing the floor back and forth with his paw.

I pulled myself up and turned on the shower, then undressed, squeezing my eyes shut as I felt the blood on my shirt slide over my face. I choked on a sob once, and Zeki came and nudged me with his nose to comfort me. I refused to rub the tangled patch of fur on top of his head like I normally would. I didn't want to get it dirty. Instead I gave him a reassuring smile and stepped into the tub under the spray.

My mouth tasted sour as I scrubbed mercilessly at my skin with the sponge. I lathered up twice, anxious to be clean, and then when I shut off the shower, I toweled off and stepped out to brush my teeth. Pakkun was busy rubbing the last of the blood on the floor away. My clothes were gone. I had seen Zeki take them, and Jenou was nowhere in sight.

"They're both in the living room with Sakura," Pakkun said in explanation. My gaze shot down to him.

"Sakura?" I asked.

"Yep. She knocked on the door after your first rinse," he said. "Jenou opened it for her."

"I have no clothes on!" I snapped. Then color flared to my face because I realized how loud I'd been.

I heard Zeki bark in surprise and then rush into my bedroom. I leaned back against the wall with a heavy sigh. "Great," I muttered. "My student is in the hospital, I'm pulling a Tsunade over some blood, and Sakura's in my living room while I have no clothes on in the bathroom. Perfect."

Zeki scratched at the door and I opened it just enough so he could toss me a sweatshirt and some pants. "Thanks," I said, and shut it again. I pulled it all on as fast as I could, remembered with a whispered curse that I didn't have a mask, and then opened the bathroom door wide to join Sakura in the living room. I would have told the dogs to leave, but at that point, I just wanted them there for some moral support.

It was unnerving to see Sakura there, leaning forward on her elbows with her hands clasped. She was staring at a rusted stain on the carpet, but her eyes were glazed and unfocused. Jenou, sitting next to her, looked very unhappy.

"Is Sasuke…?" I asked. Sakura snapped to attention, and looked up at me. She had her eyes trained on my face as she spoke.

"I checked in on him a little while ago. His x-rays aren't promising, but he's fine for now. He's sleeping." At last, she managed to tear her gaze away and looked back to the floor.

"What does 'for now' mean?"

"The next few weeks will be rocky." Her voice was shaking.

"Sakura, I…"

"You _what_?" she snapped, causing Jenou to jump off the couch. "What, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Nothing." I sighed heavily and sat down beside her. "Or… I'm sorry, I guess. But there's nothing I can do."

There was a long silence. I watched Pakkun come out of the bathroom and head into my room to dump the rag in the hamper.

"What did his breath smell like?" Sakura asked suddenly. The question was slow, the words carefully picked. I looked over at her. Her hands trembled, and she was sniffling back tears.

"Sour," I said.

She jumped up off the couch and glared at me. "What the fuck does that mean: 'sour'?" she shouted.

I stood, too. "Don't yell at me, Sakura," I said, though I was shouting as well. "It smelled sour. It was a while ago. Sour is all I remember. Like he hadn't brushed his teeth in a while. Like a cold."

"Liar!" I glared at her, but I said nothing. She stamped her foot and raised her hand to slap me, but I caught her by the forearm. I could feel the surge of chakra dissipate, and stared at her hand in shock.

"You could kill me that way," I said. "I thought Tsunade taught you control."

"Like you never did," she seethed. She pulled away from me and took a few steps back. "You're a damned liar, Kakashi-sensei."

"Why?" I asked.

"Why?" she said, turning her back. "You haven't been in ER7 yet. It's the smell of blood and vomit mixed together." She turned around again. "Blood and vomit does not smell like a cold!"

I stiffened, and in stiffening, I gave something away to her that she pounced on.

"What?" she asked.

I said nothing.

She took a step towards me, threatening me. "What?" she asked again.

I looked away. My breath was speeding up. What had I done? I could have prevented this from the start! Instead, I ignored it until it was almost too late—and at this point, who knew if it was already?

"What?" she kept asking. "What? Tell me!" The dogs were sitting at the far wall, watching the exchange closely.

I looked from them to her. She must have seen the fear on my face, for her eyes widened, and she raised her hand to slap me again. I let her. The sting ripped up through my skin. I thought my eye might explode. Yes—there was definitely chakra behind that slap.

"Damn you!" she snarled, raising the other hand. I caught it, just in time.

"Once is enough," I said.

"You killed him!" she said. "You killed him—God damn you!" I let her go, and she took a few steps away from me. "Don't speak to me again! Don't even come near me! Otherwise… It's your fault he's…" She didn't finish her thought. Instead, she ran out the door and slammed it shut behind her.

I stared after her and sighed a little. My cheek throbbed. I went into the kitchen to get some ice, and when Zeki nudged me this time, I fell to a crouch and let him slobber all over my face.


	4. Prayers and Attachment

A/N: Okay, you will probably notice (especially since I'm pointing it out) that the hospital scene in this is ever-so-slightly inaccurate. The machines wouldn't stop on their own, but give me a break. I'm too lazy to change it. The new version of "Shifting Life" is coming along smoothly. I'm on the second chapter, and have written a horror scene involving Tenzou, along with the ending. For those of you who are curious, the story will be documented under "Adventure/Tragedy" just to give you a taste of what's to come and leave you hungry for more. I know, I'm cruel. XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Tobi would make Kakashi wet his pants. :3

**Selective  
****Prayers and Attachment**

I didn't want to go to the hospital to see him. I didn't want to face what I had done. I had ruined my student's life—he could die at any moment within the next few weeks, and it was my fault. Part of me reasoned that he would have told someone if he wanted to be saved from his fate, but I knew better. It was _Sasuke_. He was like me, always refusing to go to the hospital if he felt he could handle it himself, and preferring to die if he couldn't.

But Naruto came to me the morning after my incident with Sakura. He pleaded with me; begged me to come and just hang out for a while. I wouldn't even have to say anything, if I didn't want to. Sasuke wasn't allowed to speak at all, if he was awake. He had a breathing tube hooked up to his windpipe, and a pad of paper and a pen if he wanted to communicate.

What I really wanted was to go to the cenotaph and pray that he would come out of this ordeal all right. I couldn't do that at home—it felt like Buddha was watching me. But I didn't tell Naruto that. He didn't need to know that I was afraid, doubting Sasuke's survival. He, of course, was as optimistic as ever.

So I went with him. We opened the door to Sasuke's hospital room to find Sakura talking to him, even though he was sleeping on the bed. His face was gaunt and ashen. There was tape around his neck, obviously obscuring a surgical opening, and out of that tape came a tube about as big around as the "O" of my thumb and first finger. Whenever he took one of those horribly shallow breaths, the machine next to him rumbled, and whenever he sighed them out, hissing accompanied him.

Talking on my part was no good. Sakura wouldn't answer me, and Sasuke was practically comatose, so I sat down at the foot of the bed and merely watched the almost imperceptible rise and fall of his chest, saying nothing. Naruto took a seat on the side of the bed opposite from Sakura, who was on Sasuke's left.

Sakura didn't stop talking to him. "When you wake up, you jerk, I'm going to run you through with a pointy stick." I could tell she was trying to sound threatening, but her voice came out weak and afraid. She took hold of his limp hand. I saw her wince, and narrowed my eyes. "You're so cold," she whispered. My eyes softened. "Please wake up, Sasuke. Everyone's here for you, waiting."

The heart monitor tapped out a sorrowful rhythm. Beep. Pause. Beep. Pause. Every pause was like waiting for a drop of sweat to fall.

But Sasuke didn't move.

"Was he like this coming out of the surgery?" I asked Sakura. For the moment, I was willing to forget her unfinished threat of violence. I just wanted to know what his chances were.

But she turned her head away, and I became more aware of the large purple bruise underneath my mask than before.

For a while, the slow beeps, rumbles, and hisses of the machines were the only sounds. Then Sakura said, "He's going to die."

I covered my face in my hands.

"Tell me you're playing some sick joke, Sakura," Naruto demanded. His voice was cold. He was holding Sasuke's other hand, stroking it idly with his thumb.

"Am I laughing?" Sakura asked, just as frostily.

There was only rhythm again. For the longest time, we sat watching him.

And then, little by little, as the sun was setting, the rhythms began to slow. At first, I couldn't tell. I lost focus for a few minutes, and when I started to pay attention to my surroundings again, I noticed that the heart monitor and the breathing machine had both lost about a third of their respective speeds. I looked to the horizon and saw that the distant trees had eaten a third of the sun.

"Sakura," I said. I saw her tense from where she was. "I know right now you probably hate me, but you're right. Did you two notice the drop of tempo?"

"You're thinking about music at a time like this?" Sakura snarled. Her glare burned me.

"No," I snapped. "Sasuke's slipping away. Now."

The machines were slowing more rapidly than they had been, and as we watched in a terrified silence, they finally stopped altogether. The sun sunk below the hills, casting the dim room in twilight, but that same sun would rise again tomorrow. Sasuke would never see it. For a few seconds, we couldn't fathom what had just occurred, that he was dead, that the heart monitor was sending out one keening note into the air.

Suddenly, Naruto's shoulders were shaking with wet sobs of anguish as he held Sasuke's freezing hand between his two warm ones. Sakura got up and walked stiffly away into the adjacent room. I could hear her crying.

No one dared to move after that, except for me, almost a minute later. My movements were slow and painful as I went to Sakura's side of the bed, reached over, and turned off the machines.

—

The flames were scorching. They smelled like skin and hair and boiling blood. Through the heart of them, resting on a pyre, I could see Sasuke's pale complexion blackening and peeling away. There was char and dark smoke. His bones were splitting. The snaps they made sounded like they were being crunched in a wolf's jaws.

I resisted the urge to throw up.

We watched in a reverent silence as everything but his lungs were subjected to the fire. It was wrong, and it was disturbing, but Tsunade had demanded that they be kept for research. She had just tested my blood for any signs of disease, since he had coughed on me, and for now, I was in the clear. It didn't give me any comfort, though. How many teachers can say they watched their student's body burn? If there are any, tell them that I know their pain, that I've felt it.

I tore my eyes away from the fire to gaze across at Sakura. Her eyes looked hollow, even with the light of the flames dancing in them. I wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek. She needed to cry, I could tell. Her fists were clenched at her sides and I could see that her heart was like a volcano.

For the longest time, it had been covered in a hard shield of basalt. It had been her pride and joy, and the only thing she ever showed to anyone. But now it was becoming active again, and she was trying to shove it back, even though the raw pain of it was eating away at her shield from the inside. I could see it cracking away, revealing that blazing molten core. Soon it would burst out in an eruption of rage and sadness, each one fighting for a dominance that they couldn't share, and it would tear her apart.

I made a mental vow right there to be with her when that happened. I wanted to stroke her cheek to get that first tear to fall, to begin to quench the heat.

—

The next night, I dreamed. I was sitting in a field of red carnations, praying. There were no words; there were no thoughts. There was only the red of the flowers, like rivers of blood, and the sky, choked off by heavy clouds. It began to rain in sheet after sheet, drenching me, and as I watched, lightning struck the earth. A gazelle of flame leaped into the air and then separated to fan across the field. It seemed to eat the water, and as I wondered at this, the water turned into oil. The fire rose into the sky and devoured the clouds. Then it turned and devoured me.


	5. Injuries and Expression

A/N: Okay, change of plans involving "Silver Behind Red". For one thing, it's now going to be called "The Mosquito". For another, although the plot is similar, the sequence of events and the cause of Kakashi's blindness are quite different. For example, it has nothing to do with the sharingan, and from an objective standpoint, you can't tell if he's blind. The opening scene was inspired by Jose Saramago's Blindness, which I recommend to everyone. It's definitely my favorite book ever. I doubt the sequel will be as good, but I want to read it nonetheless.

This story ("Selective") will only be upped to a mature rating if people have a problem with the lime written in this chapter. Therefore, **WARNING**: This chapter contains a lime! Only proceed if you are thirteen years or older!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Darcia from Wolf's Rain would be Kisame's partner in Akatsuki.

**Selective  
****Injuries and Expression**

I limped down the road towards my apartment with a painful wobble in my step. It made my hip ache and creak as the rain washed away the blood streaming down my side. It numbed anything that I could feel, and while I mentally sang its praises, I cursed it at the same time. The road was slick with it, and the little puddles of blood that splashed onto the pavement from my wounds did nothing to help my footing. I was walking close to the wall, and when dizziness overcame me for a moment, I sagged against it with a groan before pushing off and regaining my bearings to head back towards my apartment.

The mission Tsunade had sent me on had nearly been the death of me. It was S-class ANBU with Tenzou—he'd tried to get me to go to the hospital as soon as we returned, but I insisted that I was fine and so was making my way home after he reluctantly left to check himself in. I knew that his honor would keep him from telling the medics about my situation (which was quickly turning critical), but at the same time I knew that the knowledge of my pain and injuries would be weighing heavily on his mind, even if the medics sedated him to the point of oblivion.

Some malicious part of me took pride in this.

My muscles shook as I climbed the stairs that led to my apartment, hauling myself up using the handrail and my sheer desire to reach my bed. I could soak it through with blood and die, but all I wanted to do right then was sleep. If I wasn't so determined to find a comfortable place, I would have slept out in the rain.

I fumbled with the key that my fogged mind had trouble finding before I successfully managed to get it in the lock. I turned it with a trembling hand that was covered in blood as red as that which Sasuke had coughed all over me last month.

I swallowed the nausea that was boiling in my stomach and stepped inside. A particularly large spray of blood cascaded onto the carpet as I half-heartedly pulled off my shoes, turned on the light, and closed the door partway. It was hot in the apartment—I wanted the cool air from outside to come in. I pulled off my gloves and let them drop to the floor beside my shoes, where the white ceramic tiles were soon running red. I tried to reach around to get my vest and shirt, but the wound in my side stopped me.

I glanced at my Buddha tantou and felt rage beginning to churn all throughout my body. I don't know whether it was delirium or simple insanity, but I saw the smile on that fat man's face flicker into a devious grin. Then I began to shout at him. As I shouted, I gesticulated wildly so that blood shimmered in the air before falling in a curtain like the rain outside.

"You and your _Noble Truths_," I seethed, jabbing my finger towards him. "Life means suffering! Yes, I know—I've seen it! All of my damned life has been _suffering_! The origin of suffering is attachment. Are you telling me that I'm suffering because I had _friends_? That I had people that I _loved_? Are you telling me not to love anything?" I yanked down my mask and bared my teeth at him in a feral display of inhumanity. "You're a coward!" I snarled. "Life means to suffer, but you have to live through it! You have to, otherwise you can't…"

A tide of dizziness swept over me, and for a moment, I swayed on my feet. When my eyes refocused, I stumbled towards the couch, but collapsed halfway there and lay curled up in a spreading bloodstain. Darkness swept in over my eyes, and I lost consciousness.

—

Sakura pulled her hood more tightly over her head. The rain was pounding harder than ever against the pavement and the metal roofs, drowning out the sound of her footsteps. Only the occasional street lamp lit the deep night, but she already knew the way to Kakashi's apartment by heart, so she wouldn't have needed them anyway.

Seventeen steps this way. Turn to the left. Seventy-five steps straight down. Turn right. Climb one flight of stairs. Knock on his door.

She sighed as she started on the stairwell. What was she doing? Didn't she say she wasn't going to speak to him ever again? It was his fault Sasuke was dead. He had known something was wrong with him from the very beginning, but he'd never said anything at all. Yet, she found an insatiable need to apologize to him. He couldn't possibly have known that what he smelled was deadly. He had every right to think that the bamboo sugar had done the trick, because, for all appearances, it had.

Unfortunately, Sakura had seen the chakra map that Tsunade had used to trace the disease's history in Sasuke's body. The bamboo sugar had eased the coughing and had cleared the blood, but Sasuke's lungs continued to become inflexible and inefficient. Then he stopped taking the sugar, and the disease took over again.

Kakashi couldn't have known. He was only looking in from the outside.

Sakura paused as she reached the last stair. His door, the door to apartment number three, was open halfway. Light spilled out onto the concrete hall and illuminated the worn-down welcome mat.

Kakashi never left his door open. Ever. Not under any circumstances had she ever seen it stand ajar for more than five seconds at a time, and even that was pushing it.

She approached cautiously, pulling a kunai from a hidden holster in her boot. "Sensei?" she called. There was no answer. For a moment, she tucked herself away into a shadow, and then with a shout, she leaped out into the light, slamming the door the rest of the way open and jumping into his living room.

The sight she saw made her drop her kunai.

"Sensei!" she cried, rushing forward.

For a moment, she thought he was dead. She kneeled beside him, the wet blood that had soaked into the carpet staining her jeans an ugly purple. She gathered him into her arms, not caring about his uncovered face or the fact that she was invading his personal bubble. She kissed his temple sloppily as hot tears coursed down her face, and with a shaking hand, she sought the wound.

Suddenly, she found it. Her hand slipped and her fingers stuck into it by accident, causing him to jerk and gasp awake in surprise, only to slip back into unconsciousness again a second later.

"Oh, thank god," she said through her tears. She sent her healing chakra coursing through the wound. It quickly began to knit itself shut. As soon as the bleeding stopped, she set him down more comfortably on the carpet and used both hands on him. She set her left hand over his heart to stimulate it, and her right hand on his femur to quicken the rate of his blood production. She held herself there, pumping him full of the chakra that he needed, until her palms began to burn. Then she let the flow ease away, and sat back on her heels.

He was lying on his back now, breathing slow and evenly. Sakura knew she had to get him into a bed and clean him up somehow, but she didn't know how that was going to happen. His clothing was soaked—she would have to peel it away to check his skin for more injuries, and immediately blushed at the thought of having to strip him down. Then she schooled herself. It had to be done.

Bringing just a little bit more chakra to her right hand, she put her left underneath his head and lifted him slightly, placing her right over his eyes. She felt the butterfly kisses on her skin and pulled away.

—

"Hey, sleepy-head," Sakura whispered as I opened my eyes. She pushed my hair back away from my face, leaving a streak of blood there. She was here? In my apartment? There was hardly any pain left in my side, though I felt horribly tired, as if I had woken up from a dreamless sleep too quickly.

All I could think to do, though, was give her an exhausted smile. "Hey," I said hoarsely. "I thought you weren't talking to me."

"I couldn't keep the blame on you," she said. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I was surprised, to say the least, but brought my hand up to stroke her hair as I responded to her touch. She leaned back before I actually realized what was going on. "Listen," she said, leaning close to me again. "I have to clean you up before I get you into bed. It'll be a lot more difficult getting the blood out of your skin tomorrow, and you'll be really stiff then. So I need your help."

"How?" I asked.

"Can you stand?"

"With some help."

She grabbed my hands and pulled me into a sit. I took a moment to get my bearings before nodding in a signal that I was ready to stand. She took me up slowly, but I still staggered a bit, and she wrapped my arm around her shoulder and her arm around my waist to help me to the bathroom.

"What was that back there?" I asked. She turned on the light and closed the bathroom door behind us.

"What?" she asked. She was rushing around the bathroom now, grabbing a sponge, a washcloth, a towel, and a bucket, leaving me to lean against the counter.

"That kiss," I said.

She paused. "I was so relieved that you were alive," she said at last. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"Don't apologize for something like that," I said. Then I changed the subject. "So, what's the procedure, Doc?"

"I'm going to help you out of your clothes and then I'm going to wipe you down with the sponge. Afterwards, if you're feeling up to it, you can shower or take a bath—whatever's best."

"Probably a shower," I said, but I wasn't really paying attention. Instead, I was imagining a shower with her. Circumstances as they were, I soon realized that was likely going to be what was to happen. It just wasn't going to be what I hoped dimly it would. It couldn't possibly be that way. Forget our teacher-student relationship—I was dead tired, and from the looks of things, she was ready to drop as well.

She filled the bucket with warm water from the tub and then placed it on the toilet, coming to stand by me. "I'm going to need your help," she repeated softly. She was standing at my shoulder and muttering into my ear. My stomach clenched just enough to make my fingers twitch. She slipped her hand underneath the tattered edge of my vest and gently eased it off my arm, coming to my back to get at the other side. My muscles ached as I helped her by shrugging.

Next came my shirt. I had to raise my arms and turn around so that she could pull it up and over my head. It had to go slowly because it was starting to rust and any sudden movement would send my pain receptors bawling and running into a corner. When it was gone, Sakura and I just sort of stared at each other. I watched as her gaze raked over me, slightly vacant. If I told myself that it was only because she was looking for wounds, I'd be lying. She reached forward and smoothed her hand across my abdomen. My skin fluttered in response. She placed her palm over the angry red mark on my side, but I took her wrist and removed it.

"You're using too much chakra," I said. My voice was huskier than it should have been.

"Sorry," she said. I could have sworn her voice cracked.

I took a tentative step forward. She took one back. I regarded her warily. What exactly did she want? I was still holding her wrist, so I took another step forward and pressed her up against the wall. Her eyes hooded. She wrapped her arm around my neck. My hand traveled up along her wrist to entwine with her fingers.

"This isn't scaring you?" I muttered, breathing out across her neck and ear.

"No." Her voice was a whisper. She let me move even closer, to begin to leave a warm trail of open-mouthed kisses along her throat and jaw. I sucked on the shell of her ear. She shuddered and her grip around my neck tightened. I felt the temperature begin to rise. "Aren't you tired?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. "Do you think I care?"

"No," she said. Her breath was fanning over my ear and collarbone. She was kissing whatever skin she could get at. "But maybe we should wait."

"Why?" I asked. I kissed a trail from her cheek to her lips, riding on the tides of her mouth while my hand slipped to her lower back to reach under the hem of her shirt. Her clothes were damp from the rain. She smelled like it, fresh and clean.

For a while, the only sounds in the room were those of our heavy breathing, a few moans, and the occasional scrape of nails on skin.

She broke away from a solid kiss finally to answer me. I hovered close, waiting to capture the candy of her again.

"I'd rather do this when we're less exhausted," she said. I understood. With an effort that was as much physical as it was mental, I untangled myself from her, and backed away.

"You might want to turn the shower on cold and wait in the living room," I said.

She nodded. I watched her as she dumped the bucket of water and turned on the shower. Then she breezed past me, brushing my cheek with her fingers as she went.

I closed the door and pulled off my pants, then stepped into the shower. The cold was a jolt to my system, but a welcome one. The roaring lion that had been egging me on towards that moment with her had quieted for now, allowing me to take the washcloth and scratch away at the dirt and blood that had caked itself onto my skin. I stayed under the spray for no more than five minutes, and only that long because I was still so warm, and then I shut off the water and toweled myself off. I stepped out and wrapped the towel around my waist.

Then I realized I had no extra clothes to wear. It was exactly like before Sasuke died, and it was going to be so ridiculously difficult to walk by her in only a towel and pretend not to notice anything. I doubted I would get very far before trying to get at her again, but those thoughts weren't helping the situation.

"Crap," I said.

"What's wrong?" she called from the living room.

"I have no clothes," I said. "Again."

There was a lengthy pause.

"Which drawers in your bedroom?"

"The third one has some sweatpants and some no-sleeves," I said.

"Ok." I heard the slide of the drawer from the room one wall over. Then she said, "Oh yeah. I see them."

A few moments later, there was a knock on the door. I opened it just a little bit, and she handed me the clothes. "Thanks," I said, and shut the door.

I put them on and pulled the mask attached the shirt up over my face, then opened the door and came into the living room.

"Déjà vu," I said. She was sitting in the exact same place as she had been when she came to tell me it was my fault that Sasuke was in the hospital.

"Let's get you into bed," she said. She stood up and came over to me, smiling tightly. It almost looked like a grimace, and I remembered that she was hurting, that her emotions were ripping her to shreds.

"All right," I said quietly.

The small clock hidden away in the corner across from my bed read eleven-thirty-six.

"I like your room," Sakura said. She leaned against the dresser and watched me as I climbed into bed. "I like the color, and the photos, and…"

I cut her off. "Come here, Sakura," I said, holding out one arm. She came slowly forward until our hands met, and then I smiled at her and got her to sit down.

She gripped my hand tightly. Then her hold loosened, and she burst into tears.

I eased her down onto the bed beside me, and then just held her there, staring at the ceiling and rubbing her shoulder. Despite my tiredness, I didn't fall asleep until after her crying had stopped. I looked down just before I did and saw that she was sleeping, too, and I felt no more obligations to remain awake trying to comfort her.

—

When I woke up the next morning, Sakura was gone. I sat up. I felt clean, but incredibly stiff, and it was an effort to turn my head enough to see that the clock now read nine-twenty-two. I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled out of the bedroom towards the kitchen, which was on the near side of the living room.

I paused when I heard the scrape of silverware on a plate. She was still here? I rounded the corner and saw her eating scrambled eggs and toast with a slack expression on her face.

Dumbfounded that she still looked so withdrawn and at the fact that she had _stayed_, all I could think to say was, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she snapped acidly. My head jerked back slightly at her tone. She didn't look up at all, but muttered an apology under her breath. "Don't ask me that. It makes me feel vulnerable."

"That's just… a little bit twisted," I said. I pulled out the island chair next to her and sat down. "Why does it make you feel vulnerable?"

"Why do you care?" she asked.

"Don't be so bitter," I said, leaning back. "I'm just asking a question."

There was a silence.

Then she sighed and said, "People attack other people if they're not all right. That's the only reason that question is ever asked. It's basically like, 'Oh, look, here's a sniveling tramp. Let's ask her if she's fine when she clearly isn't and then stomp on her if she says so.' Seriously, if I wanted you to know what my mental situation was, I'd tell you, which is more than you can say for yourself." She stood up to bring her dishes to the sink. "Otherwise, rest assured I'd rather you be quiet."

"Relax, Sakura," I said, surprised. "I'd never _attack_ you. Ino or her dad would have to have my mind turned to a smoothie before that would happen." I stood, too. "But, like you said, you're clearly not okay. Sorry if I offended you, but it's hard for me to see that."

She leaned back against the counter and watched me. I hated that hollow gaze. Would it ever return to the vibrancy that I had grown accustomed to? Or could I blame myself that it was gone, seeing as this whole situation was my fault to begin with?

"Why didn't you go to the hospital?" she asked. She was staring past me now, towards the carpet in the living room where I had been lying. I turned around to look at the huge blotchy stain that overpowered the center of the couch area like a wormhole. "If I had gotten here two minutes after I did, you would be either comatose or dead right now."

I lowered my eyes. I didn't want to meet hers. Suddenly there was a vicious pounding on the door, and I swallowed my relief at not having to answer her question.

"Kakashi-sempai! Sempai, open up this door right now!"

"Yamato-taichou?" Sakura said. She didn't look particularly bed-mussed, which meant she probably wasn't asleep for very long, so nothing probably looked suspicious. I went over to the door with that in mind and opened it.

Tenzou was standing there, looking like he was preparing to smash my door in. When he saw me, he stumbled and righted himself. I noticed the sling over his left arm and the heavy-looking bandages that peeked out from underneath his shirt.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You scared me half to death, that's what's wrong," he said.

"Is that all?" I asked.

He jabbed his finger at my chest. "Is that all?" he repeated. "You are one twisted sonofabitch, sempai."

"It's okay, taichou," Sakura said. She pushed past me so she could stand outside on the concrete. "I healed him last night and just came back to check on him this morning. No need to worry. I'll be going then." She turned to me. "Please go to the hospital next time. Comatose or dead, remember?"

I didn't say anything to that. That was mainly the reason I never went to the hospital for any kind of injury, and judging from the softening of Tenzou's glare, he knew about that masochistic, almost suicidal part of me, too. We both watched Sakura go down the stairs, and then I looked back at him.

"So, did you come here to yell at me or did you need something?" I asked.

"Um, just to yell at you, actually. To make sure you were okay," Tenzou said.

"Right as rain, I can assure you," I said. "I'll see you around, Tenzou."

He nodded, and I closed the door.


	6. Humans and Righteousness

A/N: Sorry, but it's a filler chapter. Send me the pitchforks and torches! -cringes- I have to rewrite a later chapter, so bear with me for a little while. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
****Humans and Righteousness**

I had to soak my carpet in vinegar for a day before the rust would even begin to come out. Then I removed the stain, and life returned to relative normalcy.

October rolled in from the northwest to dry out the leaves of the trees, and it began to tickle the thermometers until on average they read eleven degrees centigrade. Then the temperature refused to rise again. I honestly could have cared less, but this year it seemed just a little bit colder. The remaining members of Team Seven were scheduled to return to the Land of Canyons about a week before Halloween, and that was the place where Sasuke first began to cough. I wasn't sure how ready I was to go. Just thinking about it, I would feel a shudder crawl up my spine.

We gathered in Tsunade's office on October eighteenth, standing straight and proud but with our faces grim. We hadn't been on any missions together since Sasuke's death—Tsunade had given us time to grieve. Now we had to put that aside for the next week or so until we completed this mission. Afterwards, we would have to get past the event altogether, because things would have to return to normal, finally.

We set out and arrived at the Land of Canyons within three days. Looking down from the crested wall of rock, I could see that Ke had done his land quite well. The fields that were once fallow and full of sharp boulders were now blanketed in crisp golden grain. The houses on the outskirts had been fixed, with new sidings and actual shingles for the roofs, and even some of the dirt roads had been paved.

"He's been busy," Sakura said. I glanced at her. We hadn't spoken much in the months after our incident (at least not more than we had before). She didn't seem awkward about it, but she still kept her distance from me, as if she still didn't trust me. It was almost as if she was waiting for me to hit her. There was a certain glint when she looked at me sometimes, a cautionary shine, like she was telling herself to be wary. I didn't blame her, though. Our relationship and our standings in the village were on a delicate balance. One step too far on either side would tip the scale, and we had almost done that when I made the mistake of kissing her.

Yes, it was a mistake. I should never have touched her. I should have just allowed her to do her job, but something got out of hand, and I couldn't even recall who started it and when. I mean, I know _who_ started it in the living room, but there was something before that, buried deep in the past of eight years ago. I couldn't think what, though.

So when I glanced at her, I paired it with a nod and a quick, "Yes, he has," to make the situation seem normal.

Even if "normal" no longer fit in with my life, the way I would define it, I kept using it over and over to solidify the idea.

Naruto sighed. He had a grimace set on his face. "Let's just get this over with," he mumbled.

We turned and headed down the slope.

—

"Kakashi! Sakura! Naruto!" Ke grasped my hand warmly and shook it, then moved on to the others. Afterwards, he peeked around us. "Where's Sasuke?"

We stood in the foyer of what had once been Hige's mansion. Now, the roof had been opened up to allow sunlight to filter through, and the wide marble hallways were overrun with shopkeepers who had dug out a living in the many rooms that lined the green plaster walls. Surprisingly, a lot of them lived in the foyer, having abandoned the hovels that they used to call home, and Ke welcomed them with open arms. He wasn't even dressed in any robes, and looked like a normal civilian.

Sakura and Naruto both clamped their mouths shut. I sighed, ran my hand through my hair, and said, "He died some time after we left."

Ke's smile fell. "I… I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

"Don't be," I said. "It had nothing to do with this place." I smiled tightly.

"Even so, he was your friend," Ke said quietly.

I cleared my throat. "We are here to take your written report to the Hokage, Daradara-sama," I said.

"Ah, yes," Ke said. He stood a little straighter and then gestured towards the far end of the foyer. "It'll be in my quarters. If you'd follow me…"

He led us to a nicely lit room with jasmine incense smoke wafting from an old blackened ceremonial censer, and rifled through some papers while we waited patiently at the door. He came back out and locked the door behind him with a heavy, oddly shaped iron key. Then he put his hands up in a quick jutsu and the key disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Why didn't you…" I began, but Ke cut me off.

"Sealing techniques are the only ones I know," he said absently. "Besides, Kakashi-san, he was my father."

"Ah."

Sakura took the document and placed it in her pack. "Thank you, Daradara-sama," she said. Then we turned around and headed back towards Konoha, thankful that we would never have to see that place again.


	7. Secrets and Effort

A/N: Another short chapter, but this one is really important. **In your reviews, please tell me if you want a dramatic chapter for next time or a quieter chapter.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
Secrets and Effort**

Winter had just released its spindly grip on our world when I first began to cough. I had just pulled on my pants after I showered and had wandered back into the bathroom to brush my teeth when I began coughing wetly onto the back of my hand. I grabbed a tissue and placed it over my mouth to cover it. Then I recognized the taste of blood and quickly jerked my hand away to gaze both at it and at my reflection in the mirror. It dribbled down my chin and dripped once onto the floor before steadying. For a moment, I panicked. I grabbed a washcloth and began to wipe my sweating face down, getting rid of the blood as I did so. When I finished, I leaned against the counter and stared hard at my reflection.

The right thing to do then would have been to go to the hospital. But as I bowed my head and pushed it sadly against the mirror, I gritted my teeth and whispered, "No." I couldn't worry anyone. By the time Sasuke had been coughing up blood, he was too far gone to save. What could my news bring to them but extra worry that they didn't need? If I was to die, then so be it.

The treacherous thoughts of a calculating mind stopped my intentions cold. I was an important jounin to Konoha. If I allowed myself to wallow away in this sickness to die, I would be doing my village no great favors. And then there were the friends I would be leaving behind. But at the same time, I told myself, it didn't matter because I was to die anyway. I would rather it be a mystery to them right up until the end.

I found myself a part of my own Shakespearean tragedy: to tell, or not to tell? That was the question. Was I to suffer quietly while my friends stood by, wondering why I was slowly deteriorating? Was I to make them suffer too by telling them of my inescapable plight? They could do nothing to help me, which would make their suffering tenfold. No, I wouldn't tell them. I was determined that they wouldn't know until long after I was dead.

—

"You'd tell me if there was anything wrong, wouldn't you?"

Spring was turning to summer. My coughing was random and difficult to control, although sometimes I could get away with a throat-clear and a gargle with some water. But at the same time, I had grown incredibly skilled at hiding it, always swallowing them or letting them come out as shaking breaths instead of the fits they were trying to be. And now here was Sakura, sitting in my apartment at the island in the kitchen and sharing a cup of tea, and out of the blue, she decided that putting her hand on my knee and asking me that question would be a good idea.

I swallowed my tea and sucked my teeth. I wasn't fond of licorice, but had resorted to steeping some of the ground root in my brews to help sooth my throat and chest. My mask was down, but I was comfortable enough around her to leave it that way. She removed her hand and leaned back to regard me.

"Would you?"

I glanced at her. "Of course," I said. "How could I lie to someone like you?"

"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or to beat you over the head for saying it," she mused. Idly she dipped her finger in her cup and swirled a floating leaf. I watched it carefully.

"Compliment," I said. I felt a cough coming on and swiftly drowned it.

"Well, then, thanks," she said. She finished off her tea in a few quick gulps and then got up to put it in the dishwasher. "I'll be going then, sensei. See you around." She ruffled my hair as she headed towards the door. I looked on as she opened it and put something on the key-stand before waving me goodbye and shutting the door.

Once I was sure she was gone, I stood and went to see what she had left there so deliberately. I picked up the little white pill bottle with the twist-off cap, and knew that she knew I was dying.


	8. Drinks and Concentration

A/N: Sorry this chapter is a day late, guys. I went to a birthday party yesterday and just remembered at 10:13 tonight. I had PSATs today on 6.5 hours of sleep, so I'm a little zonked. This is the second-to-last chapter of "Selective." I don't know how long "The Mosquito" is going to take me, but I have about three chapters done out of... lesse, I'm guessing 10-15. Oh yes--whoever requested that I do a slow chapter and then a dramatic chapter, I reversed your suggestion. Hope you don't mind. Many hearts.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
Drinks and Concentration**

I took Sakura's medicine even though I knew it would do nothing. It was just something to prevent the pain, and I knew that she knew exactly what I had. She knew I had what Sasuke died from, and the fact that I wasn't telling her was hurting her. I couldn't tell her, though, and she knew that. Her medicine was a silent slap in the face that stung just as much as her physical one did. So I took it.

It let me sleep, and for that, I was grateful. On some nights before she figured it out, I would toss and turn in my bed and cough little droplets of blood onto the pillow. It would feel like I was inhaling shards of glass, and every breath was an effort that I could scarcely handle. It felt as though the medicine was a swiftly unraveling lifeline, and originally it had been no stronger than a piece of dental floss. I felt myself slowly sliding down towards the crumbling precipice of death, and I wondered if Sasuke had gone through this too. Eventually I thought that yes, he did.

I'd almost died plenty of times, but never had any of those teetering experiences been so prolonged and painful. Some nights when I lay awake, coughing out small backwards hiccups, I just wanted it to end. I didn't remember wishing for that before—maybe once or twice in the years after Obito's death.

It was night when Tenzou found out I was sick. He had invited me along to go barhopping with Kurenai and Asuma. I hadn't gone in a while, so I accepted.

We met them at The Wolf's Hair, one of the few shinobi bars around the village (and frankly, one of the best)_._ I hadn't bothered to put on my headband, but everyone would know me there anyway, so it didn't matter. I ordered some sake to share with Tenzou, Kurenai ordered a martini, and Asuma got a whiskey. I kept having to hold back from clearing my throat and risk coughing up any more blood, the room was so smoky. I had already turned the toilet water a dark red that last time I had a coughing session (which happened to have been just before Tenzou came to pick me up), and my mouth still tasted like vomit, even after gargling with some wash. I grimaced as I drank my sake, as though it was straight vodka.

Then Asuma did the worst thing he could have done for me at the time. He took out a cigarette, and he lit it.

My eyes started to water as he took that first hit and blew it out in a cloudy stream. "Can you put that out?" I asked. My voice was tight with a cough just waiting to spring out of my lungs. My left hand was ready to pull down my mask—I had already stained one of them so much I couldn't use it anymore.

Asuma looked over at me. "Something the matter?"

"Everyone's smoking in here; do you have to, too?" I asked irritably.

He was probably chalking it up as a mood swing, because he sighed and stamped out the stick in an ashtray. But it was already too late. I had inhaled some of the smoke, and it was aggravating the wasted flesh of my lungs. As I let out a shuddering breath of what I thought would have been relief, it hitched, and I let out a bone-rattling cough instead. Quickly I pulled down my mask—luckily, there hadn't been any blood on that first one. Already, I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't stop.

"Kakashi!" Tenzou said. Kurenai had stood up. "Are you all right?"

I started to nod, but my eyes flashed open when I felt blood spill out of my mouth and into my hand. No doubt, they could see it through the spaces between my fingers. I could feel it trickling down my knuckles.

"Is that…" Asuma asked.

I nodded, my eyes screwed shut with pain. It had lit me on fire from the inside. Tenzou reached for me, but I finally managed to stop coughing and jerked back away from him. Blood was dripping from my hand onto the counter, and it was kissing the corner of my mouth.

People were gathering around—other ninja that I knew—and Asuma snarled to them, "Somebody get him a medic!"

I glared at him for a moment, but then my shoulders slumped, and I thought, _No, he's right. Enough is enough._

Slowly, I sat down again. I felt dizzy. I kept swallowing, my heart was hammering away in my chest, and my breathing was coming in short but slow pants so that I was hardly getting any air at all. I was suffocating.

I didn't hear the conversation between my friends and a ninja slightly older than us who claimed to be a medic. I gave him a bleary look when he crouched down in front of me, and watched him with my sharingan so I could read his lips. Everything was in slow motion.

"We're going to take you to the hospital, Kakashi-san," he was saying. "Your friends say you know Haruno Sakura."

That was the last of it that I remember, because that was when I stopped breathing.

—

Sakura was laughing with Ino as she walked into the bar. She and her friend were completely prepared to drink the night away and then find some cute guys and condoms to splurge on. But that idea died a sound death when they opened the door and were met with not ordinary, horny, or drunk bar conversation—but Kakashi sitting up in his chair with his mask pulled down, staring at another man who was crouched in front of him. His eyes looked incredibly tired. The others in the room were gathered around the pair, including Captain Yamato, Kurenai, and Asuma, and all was silent except for that man.

"We're going to take you to the hospital, Kakashi-san," he was saying. Sakura felt her blood go cold. "Your friends say you know Haruno Sakura."

Kakashi pitched forward and out of the chair then. The man (who was probably a medic) seemed surprised and rolled out of the way just in time to avoid being hit by the falling body. Yamato, however, managed to catch Kakashi before he landed on the floor. Sakura saw him put his ear to his mouth.

"He's not breathing!" he said urgently. Then he looked up and saw Sakura. They locked eyes. She could see his face: it was confused and full of fear. She'd never seen him like that before.

Finally breaking out of her shock-induced stupor, she rushed forward and crouched beside him, pushing him out of the way. She talked, and as she talked, she began to unzip Kakashi's vest.

"You there," she said to the man who had been talking to him first. He looked up at her worriedly. "Do you know the forbidden jumpstarting jutsu?"

"Of course," the man said. "It's mandatory for all medics, but I've never had to use it."

"Watch and learn," Sakura said. She pulled out a kunai and cut the collar of Kakashi's shirt, tearing it between her hands after she got it started. Soon, the pale expanse of his chest, gleaming with a film of sweat, was exposed to the entire room. Sakura summoned some of her more aggressive chakra to her hands, placed herself over his rib cage, and pressed it in. She knew it would cause him immeasurable pain because there wasn't an open wound to access his lungs from, so she had to first bypass all the cells she was to leave alone, and then make for the nerves she wanted to activate. Then it would only be a relatively simple matter of kicking those nerves in the rear and sewing the torn flesh back up.

He began to twitch and make noises of discomfort and pain, but she couldn't pay him any mind. She didn't even pay attention to the fact that the what's-his-face medic was giving Yamato orders to keep Kakashi's face pointed to the ceiling, and not to let his head move from side to side.

"Oh my god," she whispered when her chakra reached his lungs. She felt hot tears begin to prick at the corners of her eyes.

"What?" Kurenai asked.

"He's in shreds," Sakura said. And then, because he was running out of oxygen, she formed her chakra into thousands of tiny needles and shoved them mercilessly into each sleeping nerve.

—

My consciousness began to float slowly back to me when I felt some huge weight pressing against my chest. As I was having enough trouble breathing as it was (or, more accurately, considering I wasn't breathing at all) the crushing feeling of it was immense. The weight felt like ice, but I quickly recognized the chakra signature as Sakura's.

_Oh no,_ I thought. _What is she going to do?_

The icy feeling crept through my chest and I let out a whimper. If I could breathe, it might have been a groan, and if I had been coherent, it would probably have been a demand for her to get off of me. My head lolled to one side, but on someone's order, some strong calloused fingers pressed against my jaw and temple and returned it to its original position so that I was looking up.

After a few moments, the ice started to feel good. She was numbing the wounds, stemming the flow of blood.

"He's in shreds," she said.

Directly after that, it felt like a thousand needles were stabbing at me. Forget inhaling glass—this was worse. My eyes snapped open and I tried to roll away from both her hands, which were pressed firmly against my skin, and the hands of Tenzou, who was still holding my head. I shouted in agony as Sakura's chakra forced me to take slow, deep breaths. I fought against them, even though I knew they were trying to help me, and the people surrounding us were looking on in a mixture of awe and concern.

The pain remained as Sakura slowly dragged her hands up my chest, sticking more needles into my system as she went and leaving the ones she'd already placed behind. Her hands stopped at my jaw line. I was panting and sweating up a storm as though I'd just been through an incredible workout. Slowly she worked her way back down to the bottom of my rib cage, allowing the needles to dissolve, and the chakra to permeate my lungs and to heal the torn flesh.

"You there," she said to the other medic. "You and Ino go get a stretcher. _Now_," she hissed when they didn't act immediately. They scrambled up and away.

My breathing was beginning to calm down. I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my head back into Tenzou's hands. I could feel his eyes on my face.

"Can you speak?" he asked.

"Dunno," I said. My voice came out raspy and broken, like a bad record. "Not r… really." My breath hitched. I grimaced and let out a shuddering exhale. "But I… I can breathe, at least."

Tenzou took his hands away and leaned back against a bar stool. "Why didn't you tell us?" he said so only I could hear. Asuma and Kurenai were busy shooing all of the people away. "We could have done something sooner."

I opened my eyes, but I couldn't see very well. The colors swirled throughout my line of sight. They made me feel nauseous, so I closed my eyes again.

"I didn't… think it would ch-change anything," I said shakily. I heard the ping of Sakura's fingernail against a syringe, and swiftly pulled my arm away.

"Ah-ah-ah," she chided soothingly. I groaned. That voice always meant the patient's body was under a massive amount of stress or trauma. Hearing it from her seemed to sign my contract with Death, and add the blood seal for good measure. I'd had enough of blood for now. "This will stimulate your lungs some more and sedate the rest of your body. You'll be awake, but barely, and pretty much numb."

She grabbed hold of my wrist and held out my arm, searching for the vein in my elbow by pressing along the damp skin. When she found it, she gave a victorious grunt and gently pushed the needle in. She pressed down on the foot, and I sighed at the cool tingling sensation that spilled out from the needle. It coursed up my arm and throat and was soon flooding my entire body. I was conscious of my breath—so smooth, so wonderfully soft after all those days of harsh sickness—and the swirling colors became a little more solidified, if not completely so. It was still fuzzy. Suddenly sound came through as though I had cotton in my ears. I wouldn't even have been able to twitch my finger if I wanted to. I imagined a peaceful look on my face, or at least a content one. I certainly felt better than I had in a long while.

She patted my hand lightly. "We learned a lot from Sasuke," she said. "You'll get through this. We know what to do now." She stood up.

_Don't leave,_ I thought. Her presence was comforting, and I wanted her there.

"Ah, the stretcher's here. All right—Asuma and Yamato-taichou, can you get him up onto it?"

"No problem," Asuma said.

Tenzou grabbed me beneath my arms and Asuma grabbed my ankles, and with a count of three, they hoisted me up onto the stretcher. Then they lifted it up off the ground and followed Sakura, Ino, the other medic, and Kurenai out into the streets and towards the hospital.

The world rushed by me in static. I must have groaned in either confusion or deliriousness a couple of times, because I remember that they stopped twice, set me down, and checked me over. Both times, they lifted up my head for a drink, and I was grateful for it. But at that point, I couldn't control the noises I made or the things I did.

I remember nervous laughter. It was almost hysterical. I remember it turned to sobbing, and I recognized the voice as Naruto's. My head gave a little jerk of sympathy. I remember that because Tenzou had to turn my face up again.

I could smell sterility now, accompanied with the crying. I smelled alcohol and the masked scent of old blood. We were at the hospital, that was for sure. Asuma and Tenzou lifted me up again and placed me on a cot, and afterwards I could hear Asuma crouched beside Naruto, telling him that everything was going to be all right.

"He'll die, too!" Naruto said through his sniffles. "And someone else will get what he has and then they'll die! It'll be another friend, too, like you!"

"That's not going to happen," Asuma said firmly.

"Is that Kakashi on that cot, Sakura?" Tsunade's voice. It was coming closer, rushing towards us like a shaft of warm air.

"Yes, ma'am," Sakura said. "He has what Sasuke had. I just healed him enough to let him breathe. His lungs shut down a little while ago. If we let him off now, the disease will just spring up again to kill him. We need to make the call for emergency surgery to remove it, and we need to have everyone in the village tested for it, civilians and shinobi. It's ridiculously contagious, and as you can see, very destructive."

"All right," Tsunade said decisively. "I'll get Shizune and the medic right here—you're name is Suishou Kurou, isn't it?"

"Yes, My Lady," Kurou said, snapping to attention.

"What about me, Tsunade-sama?" Sakura asked.

_Yes,_ I thought, _what about her? I trust her more than this idiot._

"It's the same deal as Sasuke's surgery," Tsunade said. "You're too attached to Kakashi. If he dies, you'll lose your confidence _and_ your grip, and I won't allow it."

"But Sasuke came through the surgery all right, and Kakashi has an even better chance of being all right! Sasuke's lungs were hard as a rock when I tried to heal him. Kakashi's are still soft enough to expand and deflate. Please, Tsunade-sama!"

There was a silence. Even Asuma and Naruto had fallen quiet, and everyone in whatever room we were in became still.

Something in Sakura's medicine or in her healing was starting to wear off, because at that point my breath started to turn raspy again. The room was suddenly charged. I felt eyes on me as I struggled to regain control.

"Very well," Tsunade said. "We'll do the surgery with you. Sorry, Suishou."

"No problem," he said, and was dismissed.

"Tsunade-sama…!" That was Shizune, obviously looking for her. When she saw the situation, she stopped cold.

"Shizune," Tsunade said. "Emergency surgery. Prep a room."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama!" Shizune said. I heard her racing down the hall.

I was given another shot. This time, it felt like my motor skills were turning to goo. My eyesight was dimming.

"The patient is prepped and ready to go," Tsunade said. But her voice sounded warped and disturbing. I wasn't comforted by it at all. At that point, all I wanted was Sakura.


	9. Ends and Ends

A/N: Here is the finale of Selective. I hope you enjoyed it. My next project is The Mosquito, but don't think that's coming any time soon. I have a long way to go with it. In the meantime, I might pander around with some one-shots. Question: should I consolidate my one-shots into one document? I know it works for some people (see The Hutch by Mary B. Wolf), but I just want a general census.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Selective  
Ends and Ends**

Rhythm came to me first. There was the feel of my own heart sedately drumming within my chest, sending radiating pulses throughout my body. There was the sound of a heart monitor, beeping in time with it, making me see a flash of red to accompany each sound. There was the steady pump of cold air against my face. When I breathed, it was a great relief to have that cool air in me. My body felt sluggish, but perfect and calm, something I hadn't felt in weeks.

I opened my eyes and watched the colors swim in front of me before they solidified completely. Ah, clarity, I had missed you.

I tried to sit up and found that—yes!—I could. And then, because I could, I flopped back down, and thought. Always a treacherous thing to do.

Why did I deserve to live when Sasuke didn't? I had been so sure that I was going to die. I had been prepared for it. I had wanted it. What right did anyone have to take that desire away from me, to give me life again, and vigor, when all I wanted to do was sleep?

I felt young and old and thankful and hateful… There were too many emotions, all creating mud. Like when a painter mixes his colors together, he forms an ugly brown.

I wanted to be sick.

"I see you're awake," a medic said. She strode through the door and came over to me. "Sit up, please."

I did so. "Um, is there a bucket?" I asked. My voice was a little dry, but nothing to be worried about. She paused in removing the butterfly needle from the crook of my arm and looked at my queasy expression. I felt exposed without my mask on, but by then, there was nothing I could do.

"Yes," she said carefully. She set the needle on the counter and went into the adjacent bathroom, returning a moment later with a white pail. "Here you are," she said. I took it gratefully and set it in my lap, taking off the oxygen mask covering my face and putting it to one side.

"Are you going to be sick?" the medic asked.

"Probably," I said. Then, there it was: that little lurch in the back of my mouth. I leaned forward and emptied my stomach into the pail. The medic looked away.

"I'm sorry, Hatake-san, but I have to give you a shot," she said. She was still staring at the ceiling, waiting for me to finish.

"Can I brush my teeth first?" I asked. I wiped my mouth with a tissue she gave me.

"Must you do it this instant?" she asked in response. I didn't like her proper, impatient tone, and decided to make a show of it.

"Do you want me throwing up again?"

"No…"

"Then yes, I _must_ go brush my teeth this _instant_."

Without a word, she stepped out of the way, and I got up out of the bed. I was dressed in a hospital gown, one of those scratchy potato sacks that I could never stand. I could hear the medic sigh as I went, and she took the pail away to be washed.

I spat into the sink of the tiny hospital bathroom and used a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste that were lying on the counter to give my teeth a good scrub. My body felt renewed and alive. I hoped I would be leaving the hospital that day.

The door to the bedroom opened then, and Sakura's voice came through. "Kakashi-sensei?" she called.

"In here," I said. I rinsed out my mouth and wiped my face using one of the thin towels on the rack.

She came in to the bathroom and threw a bunch of clothing at my head. "There ya go. Put those on and sit down so I can talk to you." Then she shut the door.

It was just a pair of gray new sweatpants and a black shirt that said in white lettering, "I still won't admit that I'm stupid." I rolled my eyes and put them on, thankful for at least having clothes and the fact that Sakura obviously had bought them for me to wear. ANBU had probably already invaded my apartment and burned everything that I had touched.

There was probably no apartment left.

I sighed and opened the door.

Sakura was switching the settings on the oxygen machine and fixing up a little pan of alcohol for the butterfly needle. When I appeared, she looked up at me briefly, then nodded to one of the chairs and said, "Sit."

I sat and watched as she finished her little tweaks and pulled up a chair opposite me.

"How do you feel?" was her first question.

"Better than I have in a long time," I said.

She frowned. "Your reactions to it all—the disease, the treatments, the surgery, everything—are so different than the ones Sasuke had."

I looked away.

"Don't be a coward," she snapped. The intensity of her voice jolted my attention back to her. "Listen to what I have to say."

The first medic came back in then, holding a white syringe with some clear liquid in it. "It's time for your shot, Hatake-san," she said.

"I'll give it to him, Mei, thanks," Sakura said. She held out her hand for the syringe, and Mei, looking slightly perturbed, handed it to her and then hesitantly left. "Should I give this to you now or later?" Sakura asked, turning back to me.

"Depends on what it is," I said.

"Just some antibiotic," she said.

"Now's as good a time as any, then," I said. I extended my arm to her, wrist-side up. She stood and came over, found my elbow vein, and pushed the medicine in. I closed my eyes. There was a similar coolness to the quick treatment she'd given me in the bar, but it didn't speed up my breath or alter my vision or make me feel like I was lying on my back in a cool tub of water. It just felt relieving, like there had been pain I wasn't even aware of. When I opened my eyes again, Sakura had removed the needle and was sitting back across from me.

"So what did you have to say?" I asked after a few seconds.

"We think the different reactions have something to do with Uchiha blood."

"What?" There was no hiding my surprise. I couldn't fathom how that was possible. I knew that the Uchihas sometimes gave birth to inbred offspring, but I thought those kinds of diseases were with them from their very first moments, not when they matured.

"It's the only plausible answer," Sakura said. "A lot of people were exposed to Sasuke during the time he was sick, but only you contracted the disease."

"I'm not an Uchiha," I pointed out.

"You have the sharingan," Sakura said. "It must have latched on to that. I went through the records with Tsunade-sama and we found out that the First Hokage created the disease to attack sharingan users and only sharingan users. He called it selective tuberculosis."

I leaned back in my chair, my mouth slightly open. At least Naruto didn't have to worry about anyone else getting sick. But I was still confused.

"How did Sasuke get it in the first place?" I asked.

"Selective tuberculosis can survive for up to one hundred twenty years in an area of infection," she explained. "The Land of Canyons was the sight of an Uchiha-Senju battle about seventy years ago, and the Senju released ST to end it. Your body reacted differently than Sasuke's because, while you don't have Uchiha blood, you have an Uchiha eye. ST is supposed to harden the lungs so that the victim suffocates. For you, the flesh was torn and the nerves were shut down, making it easier to treat. When Sasuke died, his lungs were almost like stone."

"How," I said, sighing, "unfortunate."

Sakura grimaced. "You'll have to take that shot every day for the next ten days to make sure everything's been cleaned out," she said.

"Speaking of which," I said, "what did you do to me, exactly, during the surgery?"

"We stripped each infected cell of the disease," Sakura said. She shrugged. From a manila folder she had put down on the nightstand, she took out a gleaming x-ray, and wordlessly handed it over. "This was taken just before we put you into surgery. You can see that the inner walls of your lungs are almost white with ST spores. Under a microscope, they look like dulled senbon. Under normal circumstances, like Sasuke's, they'd form a hard sheet over the membrane. In yours, it was looser and easier to get at. The shot's just a precaution, but it's important that you take it."

I gave her back the x-ray. "When do I get out of here?" I asked. "Not in ten days, I hope?"

"No," Sakura said. "I'll be dropping by your apartment every evening at six-thirty to administer the antibiotic and to do a few healing sessions to get rid of the scar tissue. It's fine to take the shot in conjunction with food and water, just not alcohol."

"Right," I said.

"So, if you're ready, we can check you out."

"Oh, wait," I said. I looked up at her. "What about my mask? And wouldn't ANBU have blown up my home by now?"

"No mask with me, unfortunately," Sakura said. "We could bandage up your face if you like. And no, ANBU didn't blow up your apartment, you idiot—we had medics go there and disinfect the place. They should be done by the time you get back."

Hesitantly, I held out my hand. Sakura looked at it, bemused. "What's that for?" she asked.

"Bandage?" I said.

She stood up and went rifling through the nightstand drawer, then gave a little squeak of triumph when she found what she was looking for. She tossed me a thin roll of cloth. "There ya go," she said. "Nice face, by the way. I've been meaning to tell you that. I wonder why you've never shown it off before."

"I like the ambiguity," I said, and proceeded to wrap up my face. I imagined I looked like I was playing at Zabuza for Halloween, but I didn't really care. I just wanted to get out of here and dress in something more flattering, not the shirt that I now knew was supposed to make me look like an idiot. When I finished wrapping up, I pulled off the shirt and turned it inside out before putting it back on. "There," I said. "Nothing offensive."

Sakura scowled and put her hands on her hips. "You're no fun," she said. I just smiled at her.

There suddenly came a loud crash, a few angry shouts, and the thump of anxious footsteps.

"Naruto, hold on! You can't just barge in there—he could be sleeping!" That was Tenzou.

"Shizune said that he came out of surgery and I want to see him! He is not going to die on me, Yamato-taichou! And if he does, I'm seeing him before it happens! Get a move on, Sai!"

I put my face in one hand. "Oh, God," I said. Sakura giggled. "I'm not sleeping!" I called.

They fell silent. Naruto slowly edged open the door. I gave him a smile from where I was sitting. "Hey there," I said. "Miss me?"

I probably should have expected him to rush forward and hug me at that point, but I didn't. He picked me up off the ground and twirled me around a bit, hugging me so tight that I couldn't breathe. I panicked a little.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said, dropping me. I landed on the floor with a thud and put a hand over my rapidly beating heart. I closed my eyes and swallowed. "You okay?" Naruto asked.

"Fine, just don't do that again, please," I said, standing on wobbly feet. "No offense, but you hug too tight."

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said. He sounded sincere.

"Don't worry about it." I took a great lungful of air and then let it out, just to be sure. "Anyway, I'm getting out today. You're lucky you didn't miss my departure—you'd be heading for a wild goose chase."

Tenzou laughed. When he stopped a moment later he said, "Can I talk to you by the cenotaph tomorrow? Say, before six pm?"

I blinked at him. "Yeah, sure," I said. I knew better than to ask what was wrong.

—

My shoulders were hunched as I made my way to the cenotaph. There was some residual pain in my chest that Sakura said would be there for the next few days, slowly fading as the medicine and her healing did their work. It wasn't too bad, but it was enough to detract slightly from conversations that I wanted to have. The jolt after Naruto hugged me was what started it up.

"Tenzou," I called when I saw him. He was standing with his hands in prayer to one of his old teammates that I had met once at a meeting. She was a nice woman. I had always guessed that he'd loved her, but I could never have been sure. Seeing that I wasn't the only one who prayed was nice, though, even if we went about it differently. "Tennie," I called again.

"I haven't heard that one in a while," he said. He opened his eyes and dropped his hands. I walked over to him.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked. I threw a mental prayer to Obito as I said it.

"Why you're so secretive."

I blinked. "That was blatant."

"Like you never are," Tenzou said impatiently. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. It was nearly summer, but it was cloudy and cool. "You could have just told us, sempai. You could have told any one of us. We would have helped you." He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "You could have at least told Sakura."

"I thought we went over this already. I didn't want anyone to worry about me," I said.

"And that worked out _wonderfully_." Tenzou rolled his eyes. "Do you think I wasn't worried when you came to your door that night I picked you up? There were bags under your eyes that would have given Hayate a contest, and you looked like your skin was made of ash. I thought…" He looked up at the sky. "I didn't know what to think. Don't you think I was worried—we were all worried—when you passed out at the bar? That was _terrifying_, Kakashi-sempai."

"Sorry," I said quietly. There was a pause. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"Yes."

There was another pause. The wind rustled the trees. A shaft of sunlight illuminated the Third District, and then it was eaten by the darkness of the clouds.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"You need to know the time?" Tenzou asked skeptically.

"I need to be back home at around six-thirty for a shot and a healing session. Sakura will kill me if I don't show."

"It's around six-fifteen," Tenzou said.

"All right," I said. "Thanks." I didn't tell him being in the presence of an Uchiha's grave was unnerving me now.

I started walking away, but then turned to walk backwards so I could talk to him again. "Say," I said, and he looked up at me, "what do you think of the whole 'Life means suffering' stuff?"

Tenzou shrugged. "I've never thought about it, but I guess it must be true to some extent. Otherwise it wouldn't be the basis of a religion, now, would it?" He smiled and then returned to praying, and I continued walking towards my apartment.

—

She slid the needle in, pushed the foot to administer the medicine, and took it out again. Then she brought chakra to her hands and placed them over my bare chest, crossed over one another.

"It will feel like you inhaled a breath of dust," she said. "You'll be coughing for a while, but don't think it's the disease come back to finish you off, okay?" She gave me a smile.

I nodded. Those icy claws were scraping at the sides of my lungs like they were searching for a sample, scratching away the stiff scar tissue to allow for new growth to resume. I could feel the chakra eat away at the particles of flesh and then let them float around in my lungs. Sakura quickly pulled her chakra away and allowed me to cough for a few minutes into my fist.

"Did you talk to Yamato-taichou?" she asked when I had finished.

I nodded.

"Why so quiet?" she asked. She tilted her head to one side and tried to catch my eye, but I only had a mind for my Buddha tantou.

My uncle had been a Buddhist before he died from heart failure when I was ten. If he ever gave me one piece of advice, it was always, "There is a path to the end of suffering, Kaka-kun. But you have to look for it in the most unlikely of places; otherwise you won't really be living your life." According to Buddhist law, he was a bad Buddhist. But I loved him for that advice nonetheless. And now I wanted to act on it, to tell him that I had found the end of the road he never did.

I leaned forward and kissed Sakura full on the lips.

She seemed surprised at first, but then she kissed me back.


End file.
